


We're right where we're supposed to be

by Desparadina



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Finn, Eventual Smut, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force-Sensitve Finn, Jedi Finn, M/M, POV Finn (Star Wars), POV Poe Dameron, Post TLJ, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, tlj - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 16:47:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14265375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desparadina/pseuds/Desparadina
Summary: The rest is memorized and solid in his mind; Finn is there -  flushed from even having to make this message. Because months before Finn left he'd grabbed Poe’s hands in a moment when he thought the entire Resistance and him would be one with the Force - before Rey saved them. The memory is fresh, and it left him with so many questions - questions with answers that he couldn't feel through the wispy fringes of a holo tape.(For Finn Appreciation Week: Day 1. https://finnappreciationweek.tumblr.com/)





	We're right where we're supposed to be

**Author's Note:**

> For Finn Appreciation Week, this was supposed to be a one shot but I thought it got too long. The other part of it should be posted on April 11th for the Romance prompt but...we'll see how things go.

Encrusted with ice, the small frigate ship Nova was now what Poe would call _'inoperable'_. It's twin motors had been frozen still by the icy rains of Hoth - a mistake which fell squarely on Poe's shoulders for not making sure he hitched it inside the new base. 

His demoralized stare at the ship was starting to even get the new rebels on base anxious as they crowded around. They were curious as to how one of the top generals found himself in this barren, icy wasteland of a planet. 

Landing only a few hours outside of regular base activities, Poe had seemingly put the entire base on alert by the mere thrust of his engines. When they realized he wasn't an enemy combatant they were content enough to let him go back to his ship. It was only hours after dawn, meaning it’d been stranded in the cold weather so it's engines had frozen into stillness. 

"Was it worth it Dameron? Was it really _kriffing_ worth it?" He muttered to himself as the engine continued to sputter, barely registering the generators he had attached to administer heat to melt the frost. By the looks of things it seemed this planet was an icy hell and he was in no place to be struggling against nature.

A tepid sigh came from his lips as the fans of his engine spun and spun and spun. The hours out here with the cold nipping at every bit of his extremities making him doubt his initial intuition. _"Finn's not here, so why did I think he would be?"_ he asked himself, teeth chattering, body going rigid as he reached for a tool. Not too far from the Nova were a few annoying but clearly concerned rebels they turned out to be more of a nuisance than the cold. 

"Commander Dameron! It's too cold out here to be in your standard issue clothing. Return to base, please, before the cold kills you!" one of them yelled. 

The pilot's eyes squinted, moisture between them seemed to mist over his vision. It was so cold he doubted his ability to actually close his eyelids. Truth be told, he doubted whether he could brave the weather for much longer. The labor of having to explain his impulsive decision felt like too much of a burden. 

He stared back at the small group of Rebels and only nodded, letting himself follow them back to base as the Nova disappeared into the white blur of snow behind him. A storm was going to close in, meaning he'd be stuck here for some time regardless. 

The Rebels were more than happy to welcome their commander within. Hoth had been relegated as a base lead by what Poe might have called faceless Generals - leaders who weren't particularly well-known in the Resistance. He also knew for a fact that many of the new recruits who had joined since the the Battle of Crait would look for a chance to meet a real living 'legend'. 

Did Poe fit that motif? He wondered as they clamoured around him in both worry and amazement. Someone had placed a warm cup of something to bring feeling back to his fingers and at least three blankets were strewn across his shoulders. He didn't allow any of them to ask just why he was here, he was not going to tell them about his gut feeling. Just that he had some business both personal and classified.

He escorted himself to his private quarters - separate from the rest of the rebels and given to him by the general who commanded this base. He wouldn't have minded sharing a room anywhere else, but under the circumstances, a room alone was preferable. 

He settled down on his cot and reached into his jacket pocket, his cramped hands rummaging around for his holopad - the numbness still in his fingertips as he struggled to pull it free from the tight pocket.

If there was anything that was going to make him at least feel warm it was the holo he hoarded for all these months.

He found his memories drifting right back to the first time he played the message contained within - inside his cockpit with BB-8's ocular sensors pointed curiously at what his Master had in hand. He repeated the action, his fingers dancing over the controls and his index pressed on that overly familiar message. 

_"Poe...how ya been....buddy?..."_

_"What's it been....three standard years?"_

The rest is memorized and solid in his mind; Finn is there - flushed from even having to make this message. Because months before Finn left he'd grabbed Poe’s hands in a moment when he thought the entire Resistance and him would be one with the Force - before Rey saved them. The memory is fresh, and it left him with so many questions - questions with answers that he couldn't feel through the wispy fringes of a holo tape. 

_"I wanna see you again, me and Rey....me especially...."_

_"I didn't get a chance to tell you everything....to take things to the next step...how they should have been."_

Three years had flitted by from when Rey had taken a Force-awoken Finn under her guidance in a place secluded from everyone else in the Resistance for their safety. However...Poe was far too desperate to let the chance to find where he was and why to pass him. 

But it wasn't the holo that brought him here...it was something else...like he could feel that same desperation from Finn. The crushing need to see someone again, to hold them, to tell them what you'd been hiding, and the thought that the moment could slip through his fingers like sand

It was an odd pressure on his mind, his dreams, his thoughts. The waking moments where he'd walk through the corridors of the Resistance base and see, and hear, and feel Finn through the walls. 

When Rose awoke after Crait, they did nothing but talk about him, and his throat felt like a pin was being pushed through it when she asked how he knew so much about him and yet they'd only known each other for a few weeks. 

_"Force knows...I miss you more everyday,Poe..."*_

He didn't say _Dameron_ , no militaristic, stoic command name, something had changed. However, the pilot sensed the pain in those words - the longing that lingered. 

_"We didn't separate on the best of terms, I remember."_

Poe was trying his best to bury that moment, after the Battle on Crait on the Falcon. The weeks they spent on there before they were received by a pocket of Resistance supporters had tried his self-worth. 

He'd fucked up…badly, their numbers slashed, their generals down to two, their crew down to a hardy little group that could fit inside the Millennium Falcon, and if they were lucky whoever survived and dared to stand against the First Order despite what had transpired.

He felt the full brunt of the blame, even if several factors were at play. He had dragged Finn along into his plans, not fully realizing Finn's inclination to sacrifice himself for the Resistance.

When Finn had refused his command to pull back, the weight of the decisions he had been so convinced were the right path had come crashing down on him, brick by brick - and word by word. Finn was going to _die_ there because Poe had convinced him that his life was worth less than the survival of the Resistance. 

That this man could do something as selfless as sacrificing himself had brought the former general down to a sobering reality - his hubris almost brought the near annihilation of the entire Resistance, and Finn was about to become one with all the rest of their dead. Poe had had almost no time to give precise meaning to their unspoken bond, and Finn was suddenly rushing towards death. 

On the Falcon, there was more than enough time to reflect on what had happened, and he couldn't stop thinking about the utter dismay he felt when he saw Finn's Speeder crash into the battering ram cannon. The darks of his eyes lit up with flame, and a sudden sense of dread unlike any other raced through him.

He had repressed it though - he had to rally what was left of the Resistance and prepare them for obliteration. It was his last act as captain. When not even Finn's sacrifice had worked as intended, he didn't bother to look beyond the Ram or the raging flames, didn't bother looking for the figure running through the trenches and battlements, dragging something heavy into the cavern. 

He had wondered if it was another work of the force as Finn scampered inside, but he also urged himself not to be overcome by a flood of relief as he approached. In that moment, as he looked to Finn and then to Rose's unconscious form, there was a small, dreaded part of him that was happy that his last hour could be spent with Finn by his side. Honestly, he wished that they were much older and without regrets.

Poe had found himself huddled close to Finn. The promise of life was thinning here - yet even in that dark time, there was something inexplicable, a comforting light that told him not to worry - like no matter where he went Finn would be there at his side. It made the dread and the guilt wash away for a moment. Finn stared at him behind a blood-smeared face, his expression of fear, but his heart, Poe knew.... _he knew_ , in his heart he felt relief too at seeing the pilot again. It wasn’t long after that that Rey appeared, and the moment passed.

Those feelings lingered inside him on those weeks spent in the Falcon after Crait. He secluded himself as far as he could into the ship, looking to busy himself with mechanic work he knew others could do. For even then, what few remnants of the Resistance seemed more eager to shut him off and disregard him. He took no umbrage with that. he felt he deserved it after everything. 

But...Finn still looked at him. He never really stopped. So Poe secluded himself even more. How could Poe say what he really felt? How could he give Finn answers to everything that had been swirling in everyone else's minds? Poe Dameron had failed the Resistance, and he'd failed Finn. Now they had nothing but their lives to dedicate to recovering, and presumably, they'd have a harder time accepting Poe as a part of the new Resistance efforts. 

The pilot was at odds with everyone else, while Rey and Leia would pass him with soft, almost... _sorry_ smiles - masks to hide the fact that they knew Poe embarrassed himself with his little mutiny, his arrogance, his inability to gain the trust of Holdo, and his lack of communication. He didn't like it, he didn't appreciate having to be reassured while the rest of the crew were less than enthused by his very existence. 

He spent most of the time huddled up in own little corner, kicking himself for screwing everything up. When they finally did land on a planet with its loyalties tied to both the Republic and the Resistance, he huddled himself into a corner of their new base so deep most weren't going to bother trying to find him. 

Leia had asked him multiple times. "How long are you going to do this to yourself?"

Rey almost always gave him a sympathetic smile on the off chance that they ever saw each other. 

And Finn? Finn was....Finn was _always_ there as if he could sense the pilot's distress, but every time he tried to put a word in, his tongue would tie into knots or he wouldn't say much. He'd give the pilot his signature worried look, with his brows furrowed, his chin dimpled, and his lower lip curling under the other as he stared. 

Poe barely said anything because his own tongue was caught in the tides of his raging emotions and his mouth wouldn't allow him to say the words that really mattered. He could barely give a rousing speech, much less even apologize or explain.

Then came the day...5 long months after Crait, where the Resistance had finally gained some stability. Finn knocked on his quarters and didn't bother waiting for the pilot to answer before he entered. 

"I'm leaving with Rey. I want to train to become a Jedi like she is, so we can train others."

the pilot had been tinkering with something mundane, but he looked up as soon as Finn walked forward. The words ‘Jedi’ and ‘Rey’ connected, but ‘leaving’ didn’t, ‘leaving’ was a kick in the stomach to Poe. ‘Leaving’ carries all the words never said. It made him drop the part, and Finn shifted his stance because he knew Poe wouldn't take it well.

Little did he know, Finn was somewhat relieved that he had gotten more out of Poe than he had the entire 5 months of dealing with the pilot's dour mood. 

"Leaving? Jedi?...W-wait a minute...when did-?'

"I tried to tell you months ago but you shut me out, since Crait, ever since I touched the old Jedi texts Rey had, things had been changing around me too."

"But we just-the Resistance still _**needs**_ people like you." Poe retorted. he was unsure of how to process this new information. 

"Really? Well, General Leia seemed ok with the idea. So long as me and Rey take care of some skirmishes on other bases against the First Order while we’re gone, we'd be free to leave and train. Plus there's less of a chance to be captured that way."

"So what?" Poe stood , his frame casting a shadow over the small desk covered with spare parts,. 

"You pick up a little laser knife, do a few magic tricks and then you save the Resistance? That's it?"

Poe remembered how cross Finn looked when he said that, he gave Poe an intense stare and the pack over his shoulder tightened like he was ready to bolt. Poe noted that he was losing patience with this conversation. 

"Poe! that's not the point and you know it. If we're gonna win this war we need to have all our options out there. I'll become a Jedi if it'll help the Resistance against the First Order."

"Did you think about that when you tried to sacrifice yourself on Crait?" Poe voice was filled with derision, the ridges of the lines now apparent on his face deepened. Finn doesn't like it. It was as though, the phantom of Crait hung over him, but he kept himself from saying much more. Poe was looking for this chance. 

"I gotta say that little stunt you pulled on Crait was hands down one of the dumbest things I think I've ever seen. I knew it wasn't gonna work the moment you pulled off without us, and you don't even understand why, do you? The Resistance doesn't have space for selfish acts like that."

"And what were you going to do? Let's us all die in that cave? If we followed your orders we would've been buried under rock and crystal. I've done a lot more in these past five months than your pompous ass has! You can stay cooped up in this room all you like, that doesn't change the fact that people died!"

Poe looked ready to charge at the door, to slam Finn into the wall. He was primed to do something. It was as if he wanted to put himself back into that corner, the corner he'd spent the last five months in, and now Finn was using a broom to swat him out of it. 

"Is that what you've been wanting to say all this time, Finn? Was this your chance to tell me off? Were you hoping I'd just be the same old Poe?"

"Every time I tried to say something you...you'd shut me out, and now the first time you've talked to me since then...how did you expect me to react?"

There was a tense silence between them, a moment that lasted only for a few seconds but felt like an eternity, as if they were both frozen still in ice. 

"If you have anything else to say go ahead...if not I'll leave..."

"No....don't mind me...go do your little Jedi thing. I'll be here...waiting for you, just like you expect."

Finn face changed to consider what Poe had said, but the pilot had a feeling that this was a new low for himself. Poe remembered that Finn mouthed to say something else, but his tongue caught him again and he didn't bother. _He was hurt, and his expression never left Poe's mind since that day._

There was nothing more to say afterwards, Finn didn't bother with a bye, a hug, nothing. He left the dust his boots kicked up as his goodbye as the opening to Poe's quarters shut.

He despised the fact that his last memory of Finn was his anger, that he wasn't in a stable enough mind to be more sensitive to him. He'd never meant for any of it to happen, but it was his own fault.

The intensity of those memories swirled around him until his finger instantly turned off the holopad sitting on his chest. Every time he bothered with it those moments were waiting to give him pause. Every day since, he doubted whether he should come here - weeks passed by and his passion had turned into a weak, frail thing. 

Ever since he received the holopad, he'd been more and more aware of his dreams and thoughts, and how much Finn occupied them. It was less like he was imagining Finn, and more like he was actually there. He could see Finn reaching for a powerful crystal, or his hand moving to slowly push rocks under the duress of his own mind. 

Finn had changed clothing, had listened to the world around him, felt it vibrate with a frequency he had ignored for his entire life. 

For Poe, it was much like being dropped into a tank of freezing water: cold yes, but refreshing on some level, as if he'd been stuck in a hot desert for all his life. The things he was imagining of Finn had somehow felt realer than anything he could imagine. 

He was a watcher though, not a participant. Some part of himself was not adequate enough to decipher the moments, like a thin layer of smoke presented itself between Poe's presence and Finn's mind.

Poe was welcomed here, but he still felt like an intruder in Finn's space. It was firmly decided by him that these frequent dreams were real, and none of them were part of his fantasies. 

He'd asked Leia, but the general was vague, only saying "The Force works in mysterious ways the only thing I can tell you is that you've always had a latent ability to perceive the force. Maybe not as strong as Rey or Finn, but just enough for me to tell you that what you're seeing is most likely real." 

He got the sense that she didn't know how the connection came to be, only that it was present. Poe stopped questioning it soon after, unafraid of what the visions foretold, and pleasantly surprised that Finn was aware on some level that Poe was watching him grow and change - gratified that Finn perhaps wanted him to see these things for himself. 

Those visions had helped him bare the years of rebuilding trust. He'd grown from being crippled by his shame back into the general the Resistance was looking for. While the trauma never truly went away, he made peace with himself. He had to. 

So now he was here on Hoth, grappling with his desire to see Finn, and his duty to the Resistance to return to the base. Was Finn truly interested in seeing him again? The visions had stopped some months ago, and he could tell Finn was heading towards a place they couldn't meet. He'd be off on missions too specialized and too personal for Finn to think about keeping their connection up. At least that was the thought Poe had conjured. 

Poe understood, but the months had kept him restless. He had to come here, a part of him was dying just to know - to see him again. It could have been anyone, Rey and Finn could have been training more Jedi, so the general had no idea why he was so hung up on the idea that it must have been Finn of all people. A piece of intel had slipped through General Leia's hands and made it into his own. A meager clue as to where a new Jedi would be coming to check on things and lead the base for a short while.

He clutched the Holopad a bit tighter to his chest and turned over in his cot. A pleasant warmth settled over his chest and stomach, as he drifted into sleep. He thought of Finn in his own ship speeding towards a planet whose weather was not too foreign to his battle-weary heart. They both shared a thought. _Snow?....it can't be too bad..right?_


End file.
